


New words for old desires

by SquaresAreNotCircles



Category: Hawaii Five-0 (2010)
Genre: (probably) Bisexual Steve McGarrett, Bisexual Danny "Danno" Williams, Coming Out, Fluff, Getting Together, Happy Ending, Humor, Internalized Biphobia, M/M, because chin and kono are there but also in steve and danny's characterization, chin and kono are present in the background, early seasons, slight crack that suddenly gets serious at one point
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-28
Updated: 2021-02-28
Packaged: 2021-03-19 04:54:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,585
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29745285
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SquaresAreNotCircles/pseuds/SquaresAreNotCircles
Summary: “I have something to announce,” Steve announces, still holding his gun. He clears his throat and looks about ready to topple a government through sheer force of will and strength of jawline. “I’m gay.”In which Steve comes out of the closet the same way he does most things in life (that is to say, holding a gun, with more confidence than any one man should be allowed to muster and radiating an aura that distinctly saysI have mommy issues), and Danny does his best to be supportive.
Relationships: Steve McGarrett/Danny "Danno" Williams
Comments: 21
Kudos: 186





	New words for old desires

**Author's Note:**

> The title is from _Left and Leaving_ by the Weakerthans, which is a beautiful song that doesn’t match the vibe of this fic at all, but this little sequence of words stuck around.

They do their regular thing – kick some ass, arrest some criminals, solve a couple murders along the way – and then they’re done for the day. It’s all very normal, verging on boring. Most of Danny’s brain is already planning ahead for when he gets Grace next weekend, when he realizes that Steve hasn’t let his guard down yet, even though HPD is rushing into the house all around them and Chin and Kono are coming down the stairs after clearing the second floor, acting as totally fine and moderately happy to round up another case as Danny is.

Steve, on the other hand, looks kind of constipated. “I have something to announce,” Steve announces, still holding his gun. He clears his throat and looks about ready to topple a government through sheer force of will and strength of jawline. “I’m gay.”

“Dammit,” Chin says, while Kono fistpumps for no reason that Danny can discern. Perhaps even against reason, because why would any woman celebrate when a guy like Steve declares himself strictly off limits?

Which, actually, coming back to it – what? 

Kono is still grinning when she gives Steve a hearty pat on the back, glove to tac vest. “That’s cool, brah,” she says, and it sounds kind and genuine, but then she suddenly looks over at Danny. “I’m very happy for you.”

Danny nearly flings his own gun across the room at some poor beat cop in his haste to throw his hands in the air. They should really put up a reminder at HQ about holstering your weapon once you don’t need it anymore. “Whoa, hey, no.” He fumbles, not even entirely sure what he’s protesting, but pretty convinced it’s the right thing to do. He’s mentally planning out signs with witty slogans. “Don’t be happy for me. Why are you happy for me? Don’t be.”

Kono gets her _aww, anger issue haole doesn’t know how to relax_ look. “It’s fiiine.”

“It’s not _fiiine_.” He tries for mocking, but he thinks he comes off as freaked out more than anything. That’s kind of bad, because it makes him seem like a particular type of asshole on top of everything else.

Steve shakes his head and holsters his gun. Thank God. “Danny’s got nothing to do with this.”

“Right!” Danny says, relieved that at least Steve has his back, as well he should. They’re partners.

Chin nods thoughtfully while he pulls two twenties from his wallet. They go to Kono, who tucks them into her bra, so Danny’s still staring at her when Chin adds, “If you say so.” 

It’s just cryptic enough that Danny is about to lay into him for it – what the hell is this, turning Steve’s coming out into a game of let’s-assume-Danny’s-sexuality when it should be about their friend sharing something deeply personal with them – but he’s distracted by Kono opening that scary mouth of hers again. “Unless Danny _wants_ to have something to do with it,” she says, in a tone like she’s stating the obvious.

Steve’s voice sounds much the same when he nods once and says, “Right.”

Danny gapes at them both for a minute, and at Chin too, for good measure. None of them look appropriately abashed about any of this. “Guh!” Danny tells them, throwing his hands in the air again. This alerts him to the fact that he’s _still_ holding his gun, so he shoves it in its holster and stalks off. 

He’s going to be fuming for a while anyway, but at least if he does it near the Camaro, he’ll be fuming near the pretty car that he owns. That always helps calm him down, as long as he doesn’t give too much thought to how little he gets to drive it these days and why.

*

They’re on their way back to HQ to drop off some gear and maybe get started on paperwork (or more likely give up and just have a beer), when Danny is slowly overcome by the realization that his behavior might not have been the most tactful. It wasn’t _bad_ , all things considered, but he’s not going to be winning any prizes for it.

So he peers at Steve, who is navigating the Camaro through Honolulu traffic and appears utterly unconstipated now. Steve’s current biggest problem seems to be that some people deign to go exactly the speed limit instead of constantly breaking the law. 

“Hey,” Danny says. “You know I’m cool with this, right?”

Now Steve is the one who looks freaked out, all of a sudden. “With me driving your car?” He glances over and stretches a long arm across to put the back of his hand to Danny’s forehead. “You feeling okay?”

Danny bats Steve’s hand away, and then pushes at his arm, too, until it has retreated back to its own side of the car. “I’m fine! And I don’t like your control freak tendencies any more than usual, for the record. I meant you being gay, or whatever.”

Steve instantly relaxes. He snorts, even. “I know that. You’re a good guy, Danno.”

It’s almost shocking, to hear someone besides Grace or his own mom be so convinced of his virtues. “Thanks,” he says, for lack of a better response. “So, uh.” He casts around for something innocuous that won’t chase Steve My-Middle-Name-Is-Scared-Of-Emotional-Intimacy McGarrett away, but still demonstrates that Danny is fully in supportive mode here. “How long have you known?”

“Ever since the day we met.”

Danny is about to point out that Steve got the question wrong again – Danny meant how long Steve had known he was gay, not how long he’d known Danny was mostly not an asshole – but Steve is reaching for the radio, so Danny is effectively distracted by the sudden need to figure out how not to fling himself out of the car if he has to listen to _Hungry Eyes_ one more time this week.

*

Unlike most of their suspects, the paperwork is not going to make a break for it. They can leave it unattended for a few days and it’ll still be there when they return, so after they’ve had the first celebratory beer around the tech table at HQ, Steve uses his position as benevolent dictator to make the executive decision that they should all go out and have some more drinks. Chin and Kono say they’re, and Danny isn’t even asked.

Not like he was going to say no, of course, but hey, rude.

“Thought you might take us to a gay bar,” Kono says, as they try to find a table at their usual watering hole. “You know, to celebrate.”

Steve just grins that cocky grin of his that says he’s too sure of himself to be offended by that. It looks good on him, Danny has to give him that. “You guys find us a place,” Steve tells Kono and Chin. “Danny and I’ll get the first round.”

And that’s typical Steve too: always giving out orders, and always dragging Danny along whenever something is going to need paying for. Danny can see very clearly that he’s going to be fed some lie about a forgotten wallet in a few moments, but he tags along anyway. Kono might be right that they have something to celebrate.

Steve immediately gets a chance to do just that if he wants, because he’s barely raised his arm to get the bartender’s attention when some woman at the other end of the bar starts making eyes at him. Knowing when people are watching him is a skill Steve’s needed to survive, and Danny can see the moment he spots her. For a second, Danny thinks he detects a spark of interest and the beginnings of a subtly more come-hither version of that same cocky grin from before, but then Steve abruptly looks away.

The woman – the extremely beautiful, extremely single-looking woman – eyes Steve for another minute in curious confusion, but finally gives up and starts to scan the room for someone else to make eyes at.

Danny huffs at the entire thing. “How do you do that?” He pokes Steve in the arm, just to see. Feels like a warm-blooded human. “What is it, are you magnetic?”

“Women aren’t made of metal,” Steve says, which is exactly what someone who’s secretly a science nerd would say to that. Trust Steve to be annoyed at being called hot in a scientifically incorrect way.

Danny’s really good at annoying Steve, though. It’s one of his specialties. “I’m gonna tell Kono you said girls are weak.”

“I’ll tell her you’re a liar,” Steve shoots back, because he has a little experience at pulling Danny’s pigtails, too.

That’s not a nice prospect at all, so Danny drops that thread of conversation just to be sure it doesn’t happen. Instead, he glances at the woman across the bar again, who’s already found a far more eager guy to slide onto the stool beside her and buy her a drink. “She’s painfully pretty.”

Steve’s eyes lock onto the woman, but his expression is closer to a grimace than anything. “Wouldn’t know.”

“What?” Danny asks, confused.

“I don’t like women anymore. I’m gay now.”

Danny is pretty sure that’s not how sexuality has worked for anyone, ever. “Uh, okay,” is all he says, anyway, because even if he has some doubts about how honest Steve is being with himself, he knows a thing or two about how compulsory heterosexuality can make you say things you never meant just to keep those closet doors locked tight. Theoretically, it’s conceivable that every time he’s seen Steve enjoy flirting with women or kissing a woman or watching a woman walk by, it was all an act.

He didn’t think Steve was that good of an actor, but hey, people are full of surprises.

*

The weekend rolls along and Rachel does the only thing she can do these days that Danny is actually grateful for: she drops Grace off at his place. Steve calls, and he has a beach and a couch that doesn’t double as his bed, so they head over to the McGarrett family home, and then from there they go to a park that Steve discovers Danny and Grace have never been to and that he says is great. 

He isn’t lying. The park has trees, people walking their dogs and happy kids on a playground that looks safe and clean, which are all the things a park needs in Danny’s mind. A few less palm trees would feel a little more like he was living in the real world, but beggars can’t be choosers. To make up for it, there are a lot of benches close to the playground, which is one of many, many things for which fatherhood instilled a great appreciation in Danny.

He and Steve are sitting on one of those benches and watching Grace honor her nickname on the monkey bars, when Steve says, “You know, I’m kind of surprised you haven’t forced us to talk about how I’m in love with you.”

It’s so out of left field that Danny tears his eyes away from Grace to stare at Steve instead.

“Not that I want to, of course,” Steve says, but he looks just shifty enough about it that the impression he actually gives is that he definitely does want that. “I just figured you would.”

Danny can’t even begin to deal with the part where Steve just declared a four letter word starting with L in the most ass-backwards way known to man, so he doesn’t. He zooms in on a different question instead. When he can speak again, that is, because it takes a moment or two of chewing on air. “How on earth should I have known that? You said I had nothing to do with you coming out.”

“Well, you don’t.” Steve sounds more sure of himself again, like he’s back on slightly steadier ground, which is very nice for him but doesn’t help Danny one bit. “I was gay before I met you. You just made me face some things I hadn’t let myself think about before.”

“Like what?”

Steve raises his eyebrows. “I don’t think this is the right time to talk about that.”

Danny is moving very quickly from flabbergasted towards furious. It’s not surprising, really, how good he is at that with all the practice that just knowing Steve has given him. “Why the hell not? You’re chickening out on me _now_?”

Steve paints a circle with his hand to indicate their surroundings, where there’s a world that’s still turning. “We’re in a public playground, surrounded by little kids.”

Danny looks around and, well, yeah. It’s probably a good idea not to have their adult relationship talk six feet from little Jimmy who’s just trying to build a sandcastle for his mermaid doll to live in. Jimmy doesn’t need to hear the bad words Danny really wants to yell at Steve.

“No chicken,” Steve promises. “Except for dinner, if you want. Tomorrow at seven, my place? You’re still dropping Grace off at Rachel’s at six, right?”

Somebody needs to teach Steve what a normal conversational segue looks like. Danny resolves to call the Governor soon to see if there are any courses they can force Steve to take. 

His more immediate response, however, is to double back around to confusion. “Yeah, I am. What, did you memorize my schedule?”

“I’ve been doing that for months,” Steve says, kind of soothing, kind of gleeful. Like he’s glad his effort is being recognized, but just in case Danny sees it for the unhinged behavior it is, he also wants to move them past this quickly. “No use getting mad about it now.”

That makes sense, in a twisted, McGarrett logic kind of way. Danny decides not to fight it for once.

He does add “how not to be a creepy stalker” to his mental running list of things for which he’ll need to find a pamphlet to sneak into the parts of Steve’s paperwork that he actually looks at.

*

That Sunday, Danny spends a blissful morning and afternoon with Grace, a painful five minutes saying goodbye to her at Rachel’s, and then about fifty-five minorly panicked minutes figuring out what to wear if your best friend promised to serve you a homemade chicken dinner because he’s suddenly gay and in love with you. Then he decides that’s stupid, because this is Steve. Steve’s not going to care what Danny wears, unless it’s something for which he can make good-natured fun of him.

By the time Danny pulls the Camaro up to Steve’s house, he feels pretty good about this whole thing. He doesn’t ring the doorbell or knock, because he stopped doing that right at the start. 

“I’m in the kitchen!” Steve calls, the moment Danny sets foot inside the house, so clearly he’s expected. Danny follows the voice and the surprisingly great smell and finds Steve in the middle of setting a timer on the oven, while there’s also a pan on the stove bubbling away.

Steve turns to look when Danny comes in. He’s made an effort even aside from the cooking: he’s wearing a nice light blue button-down that looks freshly ironed, to top it all off. “Hey, glad you made it.” 

“I’ve been here a few times before,” Danny quips. “I know the way.”

Steve smiles, but his eyes crawl down Danny’s body with an intent that feels new and deliberate. “You look good. I like that shirt on you,” he says, managing to make it both a sweet compliment, and an unspoken implication that he’d like the shirt off Danny, too.

And alright, so maybe Steve does care what Danny wears. Danny grins at him until Steve has to go check on the pan on the stove. Looks like rice.

Danny wanders over to the little kitchen island, which is free save for a cookbook open to a double-page spread for a recipe titled _DATE NIGHT CHICKEN_ in all caps. The recipe is as good as the smells in the air – chicken, thyme, sun-dried tomato, cream and parmesan, who knew Steve had actual taste? – so Danny gets curious and lifts one side of the book to get a peek at the cover. _Cooking For REAL GUYS_ , a very bold font yells at him, positioned partially right over a busty, scantily-clad blonde. Danny honestly can’t tell if she’s wearing anything besides an apron and oven mitts. 

“I’ve had that for years,” Steve says. He’s noticed what Danny is looking at and he sounds almost apologetic, like he thinks he needs to justify that he owns anything branded for men who are attracted to women. “It was a gift. Considered throwing it out now, because, y’know.”

Danny knows. It’s because he’s gay. 

Which, much as he’s tried, still doesn’t entirely make sense to Danny, and even less so if it leads to Steve thinking he has to throw out perfectly good if weirdly sexist cookbooks. He asks what he’s been wondering quietly since that case a few days ago. “So you’re sure you’re not bi?”

“Bi-what?”

“Bisexual.”

Steve’s face twists up. “Danny, I’m not going to cheat on you.”

Danny lets go of the cover of the book and it falls shut with a smack. “Wow,” he says. “I think that might be the stupidest thing you’ve ever said, and considering the competition, that’s a pretty fucking impressive feat.”

Steve’s annoyance turns into plain hurt. Something’s not right. “Look, I can make a choice, okay? I’m not indecisive or greedy or whatever you’re thinking.”

“Okay,” Danny says, slowly, as he pauses the oven and turns off the stove and puts a hand on Steve’s shoulder, leading him out of the kitchen and all the way to the couch so they can sit down for this. “Then how about you make a choice to listen to me very carefully now, huh?”

Steve frowns, but he lets himself be lead.

*

“But-” Steve says, a bunch of times, and every single time Danny resists the urge to smack him upside the head and instead tells him why he’s wrong. The short, one size fits all answer would have been “because society is awful to people like us sometimes and has clearly been telling you bigoted lies that it is very easy to internalize and perpetuate, especially if you never break out of particular social circles”, but that wouldn’t have been a very satisfying explanation to Steve, so the conversation continues well beyond that.

*

“Huh,” Steve says, at a certain point, looking kind of punched in the gut, and that’s when Danny knows things have said click on more than one level. Danny goes to get himself a glass of water for his parched throat after all that talking, and when he gets back Steve is still sitting on the couch where Danny left him. “Danny-” he says, and then he stops dead, like he can’t figure out how to follow that up. His eyes look like rather than getting stuck on a lack of words, there’s too much bouncing around in his brain.

“Yeah,” Danny says. “I know.” He sits down in the spot he left behind and hands Steve a water glass, because he figured Steve could use a little hydration, too.

“No, look.” Steve puts the glass on the coffee table without drinking a drop, like it’s not worth his attention. “That woman that came up to me at the bar, I did see that she was really hot.” He looks at Danny, and then at Danny’s hands, and he manages to make Danny’s heart drop into his stomach when he reaches out and takes Danny’s hand, the same sudden but determined way he dropped into Danny’s life or started caring for Grace or said that he was in love with Danny. He’s keeping pretty intense eye contact when he says, “But so are you.”

Danny grins.

*

Another day, another case, another routine kick-in-the-door-free-some-hostages scenario. Once they’re done and all the guns are stored away very safely as per the new poster in HQ, the team is standing in a square little circle, just like last time, except now they’re in some criminal’s front yard instead of their living room. HPD is all around them, meaning the team has done all they can for the day, also just like last time.

“I have another thing to announce,” Steve announces. He’s tense, but he doesn’t look like he could throw up at any moment, which is a different from last time. “I’m probably not gay. I think I’m bi.”

Kono very deliberately turns her back to Danny, using every arsenal in her body language to project that her focus is entirely on Steve. “Thanks for telling us, boss. That’s very cool. For you, singular, and no one else.”

“We’re dating,” Danny says.

“Jeez.” Kono shakes her head and acts very dramatic about it, but she beams as she does so. “Make up your mind, guys.”

“Working on it,” Steve promises.

“No pressure,” Danny reminds him, and it gets him a grin from Steve and a shoulder knocking into his as they make their way back to the Camaro. Back to another beer at a bar, where Steve will probably have to turn down attractive women once again, but only because he’s monogamous and already taken.

Right behind them Chin slaps another pair of folded bills into the palm of Kono’s waiting hand. Danny isn’t even going to ask.

**Author's Note:**

> Just to make this absolutely explicit, please don’t take away from this fic that you should question random people on how they identify, because you shouldn’t. Using labels at all is a personal choice, too – whatever you’re doing for you, it’s cool and valid and literally can’t be wrong.
> 
> But thank you for reading! You’re a lovely being, and if you feel like leaving a comment, that would also be lovely (but no pressure). ❤
> 
> I'm on Tumblr as [itwoodbeprefect](https://itwoodbeprefect.tumblr.com), or with my exclusively h50 sideblog as [itwoodbeprefect](https://itwoodbeprefect.tumblr.com).


End file.
